umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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