I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
