Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.