so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
