Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize