You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
