this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
