Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
