Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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