what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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