3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
