I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.