4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
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You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
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Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot