i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Randomize
