You can't motorboat a personality
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!