I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
