last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize