I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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