could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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