i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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