I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
