If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
My liver just had a heart attack.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
