your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
