he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
