My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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