her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
