I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
