So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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