So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
