i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
