I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
