i barfeds in our rink
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
