If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
