$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
