Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
