You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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