just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
