is your mom at the bar?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
