i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
