I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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