apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
