i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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