you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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