i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
