I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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