You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
