How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
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she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
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Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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