yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
