woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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