I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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