i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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