Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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