I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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