How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
