She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
