i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
