Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize