the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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