What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
