hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
