I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
