your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
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I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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