her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
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my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
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Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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