you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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