I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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