You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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