GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
