I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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