I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
