omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
