And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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