Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
