I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
