everyone is single if you try hard enough
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
